"A fascinating and empowering text for women of all ages."
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Read an interview on the book in the May issue of O Magazine


Joyce is quoted in NYTimes Article, May 2013

"Joyce McFadden, a psychoanalyst and the author of "Your Daughter's Bedroom," said girls today are unprepared to withstand sophisticated efforts by corporations that prey on girls' desire to be popular. "As parents, we're so afraid to talk honestly with our daughters about their sexuality that we end up leaving them out in the cold," she said."

Read Full Article here >

Sexuality From A Can

I was driving my 6th grade daughter to her last day of school this morning. It was 7:29.

She immediately turned the radio from NPR to the mainstream station she and all her friends listen to.

I love music and am one of those moms who sings along and car dances whether I’m alone or with a gaggle of girls. My daughter loves music too, plays the viola and has a fine reverence for The Beatles. However, I have to say most of the playlist on this small Connecticut station is to me simply mind numbing. I tease my daughter with my critiques of these singers, telling her I would like so and so, if they had any, you know, talent. I complain that they’re overproduced, and when their lyrics are too big girl, off goes the station.

Anyway, a dreadful song had just wrapped up and a new one began. But lo and behold this one had an interesting beat, and I said, “Ah! Thank God. Finally a fresh sound!” The words were still leaving my lips as the artist produced this lyric: “She goes down like she never wanna breathe.”

Rise and shine.

I paused, cocked my head the way a dog does when it appears confused, and quick, clicked us back to Morning Edition. My daughter, because turn about is fair play, proceeded to tease me by singing her interpretation of the intro music to NPR shows, little ditties she makes up that are a cross between those plucked Law and Order punctuations and the Mission Impossible theme.

I realize that in my last post I went on a tear on this very same topic over a beer ad, and yet here I find myself again, which is the whole point of going on this second tear.

My ire doesn’t come from prudishness. It’s that I’m disheartened by the ridiculous quality of it all and the dulling influence it has on us, especially our kids. These visual and auditory messages don’t even convey what they intend, they’re not sexy or sexual, erotic or arousing; they’re laughable and they provide us with nothing. They’re so removed from the real thing they lead us to believe sexuality comes from a can.

I contrast this with the shopping expedition my daughter and I went on yesterday, which involved buying her some special pieces to accommodate the ways she’s getting older. As I watched her trying things on, she looked so quietly proud, and I felt celebratory for this emerging sense of her dignity.

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About My Work
After treating countless women who felt alone and isolated in experiences that they were unaware many other women were dealing with too, I began to ask what I could do to help them reach out to each other. The result was the launch of the Women’s Realities Study in which I interviewed hundreds of women from ages 18-105, about the most private issues as I sought to understand what events in a woman’s life impact her future happiness and self-confidence. What I found was truly revealing— the theme that most interested them as they explored their identities was how their relationship with their mothers influenced their understanding of themselves as sexual beings throughout their lives.

In my study of 450 women, they reveal that when their mothers conveyed that sexuality was somehow bad, or when they left sexuality out of the dialogue while they were growing up, it set them up to feel alienated from themselves--from their feelings, their instincts and their bodies.  This, in turn, made them lose faith in their mothers' ability to be there for them in the ways they needed, which created distance in the mother- daughter relationship over their lives together.